I am sad, sad I am

Well it has been an emotional few days. The details are very exciting and very scandalous, but I'm too tired to write about it. I'll just take you to the end.

We decided to move.

I went rental house hunting and became discouraged because the only thing we can afford are disgusting big houses, or crackerbox nice houses.

Then we found a house that has hardwood floors, immaculate bathrooms, modern kitchen with stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops, lots of windows, plenty of room for all of us, fenced backyard, and a garage. AND is actually definitely in our budget. I was shocked. We immediately filled out an application and gave them a deposit.

Unfortunately we were 10 minutes too late. The people who left AS we were pulling up, had just applied and given them a deposit.

I was still hopeful that somehow we might still get it.

Then our landlord said that our neighbor was definitely moving out regardless of whether we stayed or not. Good news.

But we decided if we got this house we would still move.

I couldn't help myself. I imagined where all our furniture would go and how lovely it would be to have another family over for dinner and actually have enough room for all of us around the table, and how it's so close to Axel's school I would have 1 hour more a day. I heard the children laughing and pictured us sitting all together for family home evening. I pictured the children chasing each other while I browned hamburger. Paul would come home and we would marvel at how lucky we were.

So I hoped and I envisionioned and I even decided to test the 'law of attraction' my mother is always bearing her testimony to me about. For all morning with butterflies I listened for the phone to ring and for the leasing agent to tell us that we got it. And it rang and it wasn't him, about 4 times. And then there was a special ring and it rang into my jittering bones. And I just knew that somehow the stars would align and he would tell me that something happened with the other people and when could we move in. "I've just approved that other couple."

I have friends who are loaded and have beautiful homes, but it doesn't make me sad. The reason I'm sad is because I saw what I could have right now with my money and it was such a deal, and it would virtually transform my daily life.

And don't get me wrong, we've been happy here. There's plenty of room for us. There are enough kitchen cabinets, old beautiful wood molding, 3 closets in our bedroom, big front porch with a swing on it, and it even came with a perfect neighbor who didn't care how loud our kids were at 6:00 am. See lots of good things.

There are other, less than good things too. Eternally funky bathroom, slanted floors every which way, linoleum peeling up at the corners, 1960's fixtures, endless spiders (I tell myself that it's Halloween festive), old house smell when I'm not burning a candle. I was ok with all that, because I didn't know I could have anything better.

And here it was, a perfectly good reason to move and wouldn't you know that an absolutely perfect house came up, and I missed it by 10 minutes.

And it's pointless to think of what might be.

And I'll be happy tomorrow, maybe even tonight. And even as my heart is sad I know that I am ungrateful. But I think it's ok as long as it doesn't last until tomorrow.

So we're staying. We and the spiders, and it'll be Halloweeny.

Today, I'm a Southern wife

Today I feel like saying in a thick Southern accent, whilst wearing an old Southern dress, "Why it awys be me that doin' the standin' up in aur famly? Ain't you a mane? Go hide yo face in de hospitle, and I'll faught aur battles fo us. Thank the Good Lawd, He give me nuf backbone ta pr'tect aur chi-ren, if'n you too skeerd to o-fend."

Paul would respond, bearded and with thundering voice, "Woman, why you thank its yo biznez to cuntrol er-body? You awys talkin down, thanking you knowed everythang. If'n I wadn't heer to smooth ova yo messes, sombudy dun aready blowed yo big hed off."

Paul and I disagree about how to deal with our upstairs neighbor who accidentally shot off his rifle and blew a hole in the house.

After a bad conversation with Paul and a good conversation with my dad last night and a good conversation with the police this morning, and after heartfelt prayer just about constantly, I talked to our neighbor. And after he asked me if I know what the 2nd ammendment was, and "don't tell me what to do with my guns", and after I assured him I knew he had a right to his guns, (though I wish he didn't because he is often drunk) and I wasn't trying to tell him what to do, but just trying to have a conversation - he offered to take all his guns out to his storage unit. At which time, I almost cried. He even said, "I'll get 'em out by tomorrow. You can come check if you want." And I said thank-you I would like to check. I'm making bread today and will make sure to run him a loaf.

Crisis averted, we didn't have to move out or get in a nasty fight about what's fair. I hope all continues as planned.

As terrible as it is, I'm sure it didn't hurt at all that he thinks I'm pretty and tells me all the time. And as terrible as it is, I won't lie and say I didn't use it to my advantage and make sure to look him in the eye and tell him how important to me it was that his guns be someplace else and 'thank you, that means a lot to me'. It would've been a lot harder if he were a younger man. He reminds me of my sweet old uncle who is a Viet Nam vet too.

Delicious belly

This morning while I was forming loaves, Maggie said, "Mommy, that dough is like your belly!"

She will not be eating any of the bread.

Camping trip!

A few weeks ago we took the family to Knoxville and the Smokies. We got in the car and 3 hours later we're in Knoxville at the Ijams nature center. (pronounced I-ems, but we said I-jams because it's way cooler.) We took the boardwalk trail.

And found a turtle.

Even when she's crying, I still can't get enough of her.

I'm putting this picture on because it's the only one I don't look 5 months pregnant in. And frankly all you people-that-i-don't-see-often, I don't want you to know that I look five months pregnant, because then you'd want to ask and I'd have to tell you, that I've just increased the year's supply of storage that I carry on my body. And that would be awkward for both of us. Plus, I just want you to think that I always look like this.

Is there a better sight than your children laughing together?

Sometimes I call her Paula, she looks so much like her Dad.

Then we met up with a friend of Paul's and went downtown. We were just in time to see them close the doors on the Museum of Art. So we went to the square where they had the world's fair. Then it started to RAIN.

After drying off at our$80 hotel room that we paid $30 for (thank you priceline) we went out to dinner with aforementioned friend, went to sleep in aforementioned hotel and had a breakfast that was not prepared by me. Delicious. Went frisbee golfing, had EXCELLENT sushi - it was my first time. I've felt so white-trashy until now.

Drove an hour on winding backroads to make camp in the beautiful smoky mountains.

Lucy would not keep her shoes on. Everything was wet. I tried about 5 times, but then I stopped putting them back on. She was actually setting the trend. Paul and I explained and reminded countless times about the camping rule NEVER to be broken: No shoes in the tent. No bare feet on the ground.

Everything was so wet in fact, that we city slickers couldn't get a fire started. So we put our hot dogs right on the propane stove. The smores were better.

Successful camping tip #1: Bring a hatchet to make kindling of the big chunks of wood you can buy from the camp office. We're not in the dessert, ya'll! Plus campfire stories, songs, games, burning trash, smelling like fire cannot happen without the fire.

So what do you do when it's dark outside and you are cold and you have no fire? You go to bed, lullabied by your neighboring piros and their lovely camp songs. Paul was unhappy that I put our eggshell foam under the children. We had to rough it with only a fluffy air mattress, sheets, and comforter.

Successful camping tip #2: Don't go skimpy on the bedding. Do not leave behind the pillows, even though the air mattress has a built-in 'pillow'. A good night's sleep is crucial if you ever want to convince your husband to go camping again.

Then we packed up our tent next morning.

Successful camping tip #3: Don't be lazy about the food. Eating cereal when you can smell sausage at the not-lazy-camping-neighbor's site, is torture.

Lucy helped me pack the car.

We went on a little hike to a waterfall, and along the way I captured two beautiful trees:

This one is an advertisement to come back in October. I can only imagine the fire mother nature makes on this mountain.

On the trail there was a sign which read: Keep your children close, falling deaths have occured.

Axel said, "on this trail we could have falling death." We would sporadically shout, Falling Death!

Axel and I were the bravest about the waterfall.

I like Axel.

Lucy fell asleep and I parked her in the perfect position to photograph her and the mohawk girl - at the same time!

We had a picnic lunch and went to a car tour of old buildings. We also found a horse to eat one of our car warm apples.

Pretty cool waterwheel. Could I somehow harness the energy created to power a robot maid?

And the grand finale.... 5 black bears in a tree that we drove directly under. 1 mama, 4 cubs. We got 4 of the 5 in this picture. Can you find them?

We'll be making another trip before we leave beautiful Tennessee.