Hey! Dan (my little bro)'s band Imagine Dragon's song is in the promo ad for the next season of American Idol!

http://www.eonline.com/videos/exclusive-american-idol-peek-122/174750

Tried with riches

The worst fear that I have about this people is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and his people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church and go to hell. This people will stand mobbing, robbing, poverty and all manner of persecution, and be true. My greater fear for them is that they cannot stand wealth; and yet they have to be tried with riches, for they will become the richest people on this earth.

• Preston Nibley, Brigham Young, the Man and His Work, 128.

Hopefully my family can stand wealth, and not kick ourselves out of the church.  We've been rich for over 3 years, Paul tells me we're doing ok.  As my keeper, if you see me going off course, call me on the carpet.  I LOVE being called on the carpet.  Really.  That's why I love Brigham Young.

No rest for the seamstress

I had a dream that I was sewing.  As if I don't do that enough when I'm awake.  Why wasn't I dreaming about swimming in crystal water, or of getting a massage, or even of using my table saw?

Another weird thing: the dream was exactly like real life.  I wasn't above myself watching myself.  I didn't fast forward.  I didn't watch double speed.  I didn't have super human skills.  I just sewed.  The only thing different than real life, was that there were no children needing my constant attention.  They were in bed asleep.  Actually nocturnal sewing happens a lot too.

I laid out the fabric perfectly square and smooth.
I found my pattern pieces.
I laid out the pieces so as to use the least amount of fabric.
I pinned all the pieces about 6 inches apart around all edges.
I cut.
I unpinnned.
I refolded the pattern pieces exactly in their original fold pattern, and put them in the envelope.
I pinned pieces together.
Sewed them together.
Serged the seams.
Ironed the seams.
pinned those pieces together.
sewed new seams.....

Then the dream ended, like a slow fade.  To show that the work continued even after you were done watching.  The dream seemed to take FOREVER.  It was like I wasn't in bed sleeping, I was pulling an all-nighter to get a project done.  I think that's why I was so disheartened upon waking.  It's like I was doing my jobs in my sleep when I should be using the time to live out fantasies.  


What does this say about my character?

Craigslist

I was wasting some time on Las Vegas Craigslist, looking for house rentals.  Testing the waters.  And I wondered if Vegas has any antiques on craigslist, because I haven't found/heard of any antique stores.  And look what I found!



  A brass bed made in the 1890's

walnut wood, gold inlay, early 1900's



A treasure trove!


And this...
Wow.

I can move now.

Thank you Angie Miller Photography

Update, phone camera, sorry

Lots of yardwork.  Boone's my helper.




my pumpkins are doing great!  I planted three kinds.

Jarrahdale

Valenciano

Jack Be Little

I hope they make it.  The packages say they'll take 3-3.5 months, so hopefully we'll get pumpkins before Halloween.  Or if not, I think I can keep the frost away until Thanksgiving.  This is what the pumpkins looked like August 8th.  The pumpkins are the plants in the ground.  The herbs in pots have been moved because...

 

the pumpkins have gone huge.

You can see they're in the shade, and every day they get less and less sun.  And this year I've learned the hard way that plants producing food from flowers need 8-12 hours of sun to really produce.  These get 2-4!!!! 

But I still have hope.

Lou turned 3.


We had a whale party, inspired by the excellent outfit Gramma Tena sent.


Boone is still cute.

So is Lou.


The Farm food is still coming.  We love it.


We went fishing.  Paul has a summer assignment to catch one fish.  The first trip we didn't catch anything.  But the second trip we used real worms and caught a little tiny fish.  But it was enough to count.


Axel participated in a study and earned $25!  His adult teeth are coming in just like mine did.


We visited the Reynolds clan.


We visited the Durtschi clan and Temple square,


where I became enchanted by this flower, new to me: Lisianthus.  Looks like a rose and loves heat.  Perfect.


But my still favorite flower is zinnias, for their excellent color and ease of growing.  I love bringing them in the house.


The girls always insist we get the car cart at Kroger (it's the Southern Smith's for you Westerners).  This time they fell asleep.


I made an apron for a bridal shower gift.  It was paired with Reddi whip and chocolate sauce.

Oh ya, I chopped my hair.  And am not good about cleaning the bathroom.

Picked and bottled all these peaches.  Note to self: white peaches are not good for canning.  Choose the red havens.


Boone is still REALLY cute.


Made this dress for a baby shower.  It was so cute, I had to try it on Boone.  It fit.  But he was so mad in it, which made made Paul proud and he refused to let me photo Boone in it. Too bad, you would've like to see it.


Paul is not abusing Anesthesia drugs; this is how happy he is to be 10 months away from finishing residency.


School has started.

Girls are doing 'mom school'.

YMCA membership is being used again.  (I completed my summer assignment of running 4 miles in 32 minutes)

Schedule has been resumed.

I love schedules.

But the most exciting thing, is I'm finally being ok with living in Las Vegas.  Which is a major event, because I've been trying to be ok with it for the entire 8 years of our marriage.  Mainly its ok because my husband is so perfect for me.  It always amazes me that when I'm really upset, he can make me feel better.  You'd think I'd be used to it now, after 8 years, but it still surprises me.  I think I'm so upset, there's no way out of it.  And somehow there's a way out of it, and he knows what it is.  Amazing.

Maybe in not too much time Vegas will feel like my home.

In high school my sister started saying 'shedule' instead of 'skedule'.  Like the British version.  It was one of many many funny sayings she had in high school.  I thought it was so great I started saying it in college.  And have continued.  Well now it's become a habit, but it still makes me smirk and laugh to myself.  The funny thing, is that my kids don't know that's the silly way to say it.

Axel:  Mom, can you shedule in going to the park today?

I tried to explain to him that he should smirk when he says shedule or people will think he's a ninny.  He didn't get it.  So I smirk for him and it's even funnier than when I say it.

My voice

If you asked me if I liked being a stay-at-home mom, I would tell you yes.  I would tell you that there's nothing else I'd rather do with my time.  There is nothing so important to me as being a consistent presence in my childrens' lives.  There is no better person to see all the good things they do, no person so quick to praise them, no person so quick to forget their faults.  My role is irreplaceable and I love it.  I am fulfilled.  And I would mean it.  And I might even cry depending on how much sleep I'd been getting.

But if you put a camera in my home, you might not be convinced.  I don't like the children pulling up my seedling by the roots while they're "helping" me transplant.  I don't like cleaning the bathroom only to find that the living room (which I left spotless 15 minutes ago) has had a tornado come through.  I don't like hearing yelling, then a loud smack, then crying in the next room.  I don't like waiting by the van door for all the kids to take their sweet time getting out of it.  I don't like someone tapping me on the shoulder and putting their face in my face and saying louder and louder if I can get them something, while I'm trying to ignore them because I'm on the phone.  I don't like finding the shampoo dumped out into the tub for a bubble bath.  I don't like hearing Guten Tag on repeat 3 hours a day. (That's not an exaggeration people.  And yes we now have a rule about songs on repeat.  I tried to just bear it cause the kids liked it so much, but I started to feel like a zombie.)  I don't like telling the children 5 times to brush their teeth every morning.  I don't like kids crowding around me when I'm writing a blog post and trying to get on my lap and turning my face to them and telling me they need a drink.  I don't like scrubbing BM out of clothes and still get so mad when I have to.  Couple those feelings with the fact that I yell and I'm ok with yelling, and you get a lot of yelling every day.

I'm actually ok with the situation, I yell, but I'm happy.  I yell, but I love my kids.  I yell, but I'm also really loving.  So I am meeting my own expectations for what a mother should be/do.

The only thing I worry about is how my children will be affected by it.  And mostly how our relationship will be affected by it.  Because I had a mother too, and she yelled and she wanted me to hurry up and I can still see her frustrated face in my mind.  And reflecting on those memories I think, "If I was such a good kid, why was she always after me?"  And now I understand how such a good kid can warrant a lot of yelling.  It's not their character at fault, at least where my children are concerned, it's their bodies.  Most things that frustrate me about my children is a product of their immature brains. They don't reason like adults, they don't behave like adults, they are not motivated like adults, they are a different kind of person.  And sometimes I am absolutely stupefied by situations I am dealing with.  One morning I came to wintery white kitchen, and whiter children than usual.  They couldn't wait to eat, (they are up EARLY, I came upon this situation when I rolled out of bed at the indulgent hour of 6:00) and so helped themselves to the powdered sugar.  Upon being told to clean up the mess, there was whining and kicking of feet.  This is the point of my stupification.  "How could you think that you could dump the powdered sugar all over the floor and there would no consequences.  You did the wrong thing, that is clear, so face your consequence like a man and don't complain.  I wasn't mad before but now I am.  Not another sound out of your mouth about it, or you will not eat all day."  And this is the point at which the camera viewer would say, "This person does not enjoy being a mother."

But I understand that the things that presently frustrate me will go away as my children's bodies age.  I'm yelling about behavior they will most likely mature out of; I'm not yelling about their personalities.  But that yelling still feels really personal when someone a lot bigger and stronger than you is yelling in your face. When they're grown, all the yelling I did will be forgotten.  At least forgotten by me.  But will my children forget?  Will that yelling affect our relationship?  Affect how they perceive my feelings for them?  Affect how much they want to open up to me?  Affect how much they trust me with their tender feelings?  Affect how much they trust my advice?  I would say yes.  Basically I don't want to damage our future relationship.  That's where the yelling becomes a problem for me.

I watched this mormonvideo, and wanted to be the kind of mother that my kids would say, "I love my mom, I want to be like her"  And if they cried while they said it, that would be really great.  A few quotes that burn in my ears, "She's one of those personalities that you like to be around." "Things I've learned about my mom, that I'd want to use when I have a family, would be to be calm and be able to bring a nice spirit into my home." "I love my mom because she's so happy all the time."  My latest favorite quote is by Joseph Smith, "It is the duty of a husband is love, cherish and nourish his wife, and cleave to her and none else.  He ought to honor her as himself, and he out to regard her feelings with tenderness, for she is his flesh, and his bone, designed to be a help unto him both in temporal and spiritual things, one into whose bosom he can pour all his complaints without reserve, who will take part of his burden, to soothe and encourage his feelings by her gentle voice."  The voice is the part I've been thinking about.  I think my voice is gentle about 20% of the time.  My children know they are loved, but do they know peace and gentleness?

So I asked Axel about it.


Alisha: Axel, do I like being a mom?
Axel: Yes.
Alisha: How do you know?
Axel: Because you like us.
Alisha:  How do you know I like you?
Axel:  Because you don't only yell at us every day.  Sometimes you say nice things to us.
Alisha:  What nice things do I say?
Axel:  You say, 'Water all the plants and you can have 50 cents.'  And really you should probably only give us 30 cents.
Alisha:  Thanks, Axel.

Two things I'm glad about, it seems Axel thinks I am generous, and it also seems that Axel is thankful.  Good job Mamma.  Sometimes at night I get in bed with Axel and we talk and snuggle.  And I give him a hug, and tell him, "I love you.  I love you.  Can you feel it?"  "Yes, I feel it."  "How does it feel?"  It feels like my heart is bigger than my body, like out here."  And he draws in the air how big out he feels the love.  And that's how love feels to me too.  I hope he remembers that, more than yelling in his ears.

Lou's twinner

Did no one catch the resemblance?

Or is no one reading this blog?  Am I the only one home during the summer?

Dresser, finally

It's a little yellower than I imagined, but I still really like it.  

The reason it's taken me so long to post (I finished painting forever ago)  Is I had a knob problem.  I first bought some from World Market that were very cute, and a salmon color, but they didn't have 8, so I bought what they had and intended to order more.  Well, they aren't making those knobs anymore, so I couldn't get more.  I browsed Anthropologie without any hope they'd have anything I could afford.  But then, on supersale...

But even on supersale, I couldn't justify more than 8 knobs.  So I painted the old knobs, with nail polish actually.  It looks pretty good, but the bluey pinky pearl, really just looks pink.  I think I'll paint them the same color blue as the other knobs.  With conventional paint.  But it'll wait until I paint something else I have in mind in that same color.

And, Lou tried on Paul's glasses this morning.  Look like anyone?

Time for a haircut.  Hopefully I can make those bangs look like we meant to do it.  Suggestions?, peeps who know about hair.