I had two miscarriages

I think most women have experienced miscarriage.  It is very sad, and gives you much empathy.  I am so thankful for the women who have had miscarriages who have comforted me.  I'm sure I'll have the chance to return the comfort.

In April, at 15 weeks we found out the baby died two weeks earlier.  We thought it was just a random situation where the baby maybe didn't form correctly, though everything looked fine, but it's hard to tell.  The second, we found out at 18 weeks the baby died 3 weeks earlier.  The two were very similar.  It seemed we have a problem.  We did a lot of blood work and discovered that my plasminogen activator inhibitor 1 levels are more than double the normal level.  Pai1 is the superglue in blood clotting.  They think that little microclots are forming in the capillaries where my and baby's blood connect, and over time, the capillaries are all blocked and the nutrients cannot be exchanged.  My poor babies.  They were both girls.  I have a name picked out.  I hope she can still be a part of our family.

There is no conclusive church doctrine on the subject of when the spirit is put in the body.  Still births are not counted as sealed children in the church records.  I hope that my girl will come to me again, and I will have her in my arms, where she belongs.

This is a fairly common blood issue for women.  But even 20 years ago doctors would not be able to help me.  For my next pregnancy I'll be injecting myself with lovenox every day.  I am so so so thankful for modern medicine.

After Thanksgiving, after my family left, when my house got quiet, I was more observant.  One morning, when I bent over, I didn't feel that bulge, like you're leaning over a ball.  I looked at my stomach.  I just looked fat.  And then I cried.  Because I know what it feels like to carry a live baby.

The ultrasound confirmed it.  My husband kissed me, and cried with me.  I am thankful for 4 perfect children.  The specialist was so confident we could figure out what was wrong, that it made me confident too.  16 viles of blood and amniocentesis revealed that the baby was perfect and my blood has gone wonky.  The doctor also said that it's common for women to have no problems with their blood clotting and then for it to change.  Good, I'm not a rare case.

I can blog about this because I think there is a happy ending with more babies.

Rachel said, "Give me children, or else I die."  God put maternal desires in us.  So Strong.  I am thankful for the Atonement that can make everything right.  My little trial is small compared to most.  I know that.  These miscarriages have revealed that I am not as strong as I thought.  But I hope that they have prepared me to be able to handle bigger things to come with Grace.

We had a gingerbread decorating party

It was very memory making.  Which is really what I was looking to create.  The gingerbread houses were really fun to create too.  Especially with my helper in the kitchen.  

I made a gingerbread house last year for the first time with great success.  So I decided I could tackle making 8 this year.  I used the Martha Stewart recipe for the dough, and used her template.  For the roof I cut out two rectangles 8.5x6 and 8.5x6.5.  (That gives you overhang on the sides and a little overlap at the roof.)  For the chimney I added a 1/4 inch on each of the long sides of two of the pieces - the ones with the sharp angles.  So two of the chimney pieces are 1/2 inch wider than Martha's.  There are little windows to cut out, which is the only part that makes you want to poke your eyeballs out.  And being that I was making 8, I decided that I needed an easier way to make them.  After racking my brain and coming up empty, I was wandering the house looking for inspiration, and found it in my children's out-all-over-the-floor legos.  They worked perfectly.



Assembly was only tricky because Martha's syrup did not work.  Right when it was supposed to turn into a syrup that hardens in seconds, it turned into a chrystally  powdery solic.  (Yes it is possible to be chrystally and powdery at the same time.)  Poop.  We tried it twice.  It was late at night, and I really needed the syrup to work.  Better Homes and Gardens to the rescue.  Theirs worked perfectly.  I actually kissed the book.

2 cup sugar
1 cup water
1/2 cup light-colored corn syrup
1 tsp. vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt

Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan and cook over medium-high heat until mixture boils.  Cook until it gets to a light caramel color.  Then turn off heat immediately.  You know you cooked it enough when you drop syrup on a plate and in 30 seconds it has turned into hard candy.   You can dip the sides pieces like Martha and I did, but don't use a brush like Martha, you'll never be able to use it again, and a spoon works just great.

Spread the syrup glue on your pieces you are joining and then quickly put them together.  Repeat until your house is done.  Put the smaller roof piece on first, then the larger one on the other side overlapping at the roof line.



It was late at night when I finished assembling these beauties.  And they're not just gorgeous, but delicious too.  You don't have to stop at the candy when eating it.

Make the Royal Icing - Combine 2 large egg WHITES and 2 tsp. lemon juice.  Then beat in 3 cups powdered sugar.  Put it in a bag immediately, it hardens quickly when exposed to air.  Cut a tiny corner off to squeeze out your candy glue.

Cue entrance of 30 Reynolds and many pounds of candy.



Decorating was magical.  And there was much family togetherness goin' on.




The judge took her job very seriously.



I've been in the family long enough to know that the secret to a successful Reynolds party is good cheese.



It was very Christmasy.

What is that?

What the heck is THAT?

And I know the only way to find out is to put my face next to it, and take a big sniff.  Only moms and nurses have to do this.

Ok, I've done this before, nothing to be afraid of.  Check to make sure there are no kids around who are going to jump on my back when I lean forward and tip me off balance into the mystery brown.

Sniff.  Whiff.

Chocolate.

Hallelujah.

"Who has been eating chocolate upstairs?  No more elf kisses today!"

But one for me (chocolate kiss).  As a reward for cleaning up this mess.

Ta Da!

My outdoor table is finally complete.  The only sad thing is that it wasn't a one woman show.  I hired some work out!  I am sad inside that I did it.  I won't be doing it again, because, quite frankly, I think I could have done a better job.

But this post is about celebration, so lets not dwell on the imperfections.



The table top is 1.5 inch thick maple wood.  I paid to have someone join the boards together to make the table top, because I didn't have all the tools necessary to do a good job.  In future, I'll buy the tools.  Because I love tools and I love having skills.



It's 9 feet long.  I sanded it for about 14 hours.  There are 5 coats of outdoor polyurethane on there.



The legs are made from black pipe - intended for gas pipes.  This was the easiest and, surprisingly  most expensive part of the table.

This is my Christmas present this year.  It is all I wanted, and Paul let me have it, and my wants are satiated - for the moment! (I have been thinking about a really great bench I want to make with caning at the back support.)

Bring on birthday parties in the backyard with 15 extra kids!

Bring on having a family over for dinner and having a place for everyone to sit - and not on the couch.

Bring on the inevitable shoving that will occur when the children are getting in each other's space on the bench.

Bring on spraying off the cement and not worrying about water damage to the table legs. (You can see I need to spray it off now.)

Bring on weather changes and hope my table top can take it.



We had a our dining room table outside until about a month ago.  And we loved it.  We love eating outside every meal.  We were even tough through the 100+ degree weather, and loved eating outside.  So I could with confidence go to the expense and hassle of bringing this beauty into our lives.  And the best news of all - I think I'll have more people in my little family to warrant such a monstrously large piece of furniture!

Sense of community

It's been lacking.  Because I've decided not to document my complaints in the never-to-be-erased and able-to-be-read-by-everyone-ever internet, I'm not going to relay the many disappointing events/places we've gone to the last 5 months.  Let's just say, Vegas has been everything I thought it would be.

BUT, I'm writing this post, because I think that's about to change.  My ward recently started a playgroup and today, one of the moms told me about community centers.  They seem to be the bomb.  You can get 6 1-hour swimming lessons for $25.  You can get 8 tae kwon do lessons for $27.  4 hip hop dance lessons for $15.  This is just what I've been looking for.  Also the Springs Preserve (which is a desert botanical garden plus museum) had a composting class that I loved loved loved.  I'll be composting soon.

These things make me happy because they make me feel a sense of  community with the people around me.  I really really loved the Nashville community feeling we had at the school, and when I was at the library, and listening to the radio, and even at the gas station.  I felt connected to all the people around me.  Though I didn't realize it until we moved and I noticed the community void in my little heart.


I've been trying to fill the community line in my happiness cup, and have come up dry.   (I'm so witty.)  But I am hopeful that these community centers and playgroup and Springs Preserve and that nice check-out lady at Walmart who sounds just like Lisa Simpson will help me feel like I am part of this city and like it's worth being a part of.  (Yes I do feel all the people who don't live here smirking at this moment.  Keep it to yourself.  My happiness depends on it.)

And I came upon a trade I can live with.
I had a day of mourning when I went to the best fabric store in Vegas and it was nothing close to Textile Fabric.  I cried in the car about it.  I didn't even know fabric was that important to me until that moment.

BUT, there is a great place to buy wood here - Peterman Lumber.  And I have a delightful project I'm working on, to be published on this very humble blog in a few days made out of 1.5 inch thick maple wood.

Isn't she a beautiful wood?  Brace yourself.

They also carry zebrawood.  I've already made a plan in my mind for a gorgeous bedside table for Paul.
So masculine.

Wish me luck in Vegas!

Boone has croup

He did pretty good yesterday, but in the middle of the night, he was having a really hard time breathing and was freaking out.  Good thing we have the outdoor daybed!  Thank you World Market.  (I'll post show off pics when I get the pillows done.)  The cold outdoor air did the trick and he was breathing fine in a few minutes.  He slept great.  I did not.  He's like a cat.  He kept pushing me closer and closer to the edge.  How can such a small sleeping companion make such a big discomfort?  It did make it easier that he's so cute and his breathing was so good.  I'd pretty much do anything to ensure he keeps breathing.

And I experienced this beautiful sunrise, and birds chirping.  Who can complain about that?

Paul had a dream last night

He dreamed that Obama was our bishop and we liked him so much.  And Obama knew that we didn't vote for him, and we felt sheepish about it when seeing him in the hallway at church.  Paul shook his hand and said, "Good luck tomorrow."  And meant it.

I really like my husband.  I wish both candidates luck today.  But what I really hope is that at the end of the day we can all sing kumbaya together and feel as passionate about our communities as we do about our political parties.

At the grocery store

I often let Lou pick between two items.  Today I asked her if she wanted the sausage ravioli or the spinach.  Before deciding she wanted to know all the ingredients in each.  After reading them, she scrunched her lips in thought and said, 'spinach.'

That's my girl.

I finally saw the beauty of the desert

I think I deserved it.  I paid my dues, I tried really hard, and I did see how the desert could be beautiful.  

In Spanish Las Vegas means, The Meadows.

(I wish I could say I lived in The Meadows, it sounds more like a place for me.)

We went about 30 min outside of Las Vegas to Calico Basin.

The plants are fighters, so we help them out by not treading on them.

There are natural springs there, and the plants are soooo happy.

So are the bees.  Can you see the bees on the white fluff?  They are having Thanksgiving.  I was so happy to see them.

Axel is personifying what was going on in my heart.

Seeing the plants in their natural habitat, instead of highly manicured in yards, helped me see how they are meant to look.  

I couldn't help but think that these plants are more thankful than plants in Nashville.

I was certainly appreciative of their hard work.

We are meant to be outside.

Then we went climbing around the Red Rock.

And by we, I mean Paul and the olders.  That's a super zoomed in picture.

Boone and I were slow.

It was really just Boone, but I don't want to point fingers.

There are endless rocks in the desert, which is a little boys favorite toy.

He also discovered a slide.

And the camera pointed the other direction?  Homes.  Yes, people live here, right next to where the desert is beautiful.  Made me want to live here too.

  

Bye.

Update

I made this excellent dress for Maggie.  That's my new backyard.  Booyah.

We had a tea party with cousins.  

This weekend we took a trip which I was super excited about.

In St. George we saw our excellent Nashville friends, Nick and Farrah, who are having twins, and I gave her...

these two little dresses, for their two little darling girls.

Then drove all the way up to Pocatello Idaho, to stay with the Wutrain family.  Husband and Paul  were roommates in college.  They took us to an excellent playground, and 

the fun McKee's petting zoo, that just so happens to be run by the brother of our mission president in Nashville.  Small world.

Paul was handsome all day.

Then we drove up to Idaho Falls for the main event: the sealing of Leighton and Melissa.  Yes, he should be that excited.

We LOVE them.  And have for a long, long, time.

My cousin, also named Melissa, saved the day, and watched my kids so we could go to the sealing.  And if that wasn't enough to win her the favorite cousin award, she also grilled chicken and grilled bruschetta, and watermelon, and from their garden carrots.  I must've been too busy eating to take a picture.

Then we brought the kids to the reception.  They've seen my kids grow up.  And we spotted them, the kids ran and gave them both hugs.

Boone should've been more eager to kiss the beautiful bride!

There were more Nashville people to chat up.  Also, notice the bride's dress, I altered it from a completely strapless dress.  I finished it about a week before our move.

And here is Axel's primary teacher when he was 4.  She's still a favorite.

The only thing that could pull our attention away from the happy couple, was the pie.

Luckily, there's always room for pie, even after grilled bruschetta.   Mmmm.

The lovely mustache picture was taken at our house in Nashville.  Paul and Leighton grew mustaches and we had manly steaks to celebrate them before the shaving.

Then we drove up to my Grandma's house, to spend the night.  She lives in the most beautiful place besides Switzerland: the foot of the Teton Mountains.

My grandfather built that house with his own two hands when my dad was a little boy.  Every time I see geraniums, I think of my grandma.  My grandma is the coolest.  She's served 8 missions, is in her late 80's and was laying sod before we got there.  She makes the most beautiful paintings, grows a beautiful garden, had nine kids, was a nurse forever, and makes mouth watering and healthy food, and crochets blankets for just about every baby born in Idaho.  And she's wise.  So I had to really listen up when she said, "If I had a man like that, I'd live with him anywhere!"  Paul smiled. Point for Vegas.

After church and beef stroganoff we made the long drive back to Vegas.  But we got to stop in Utah to see my sister and her family and my parents and eat marinated grilled chicken and cheesecake.

And now, I'll be getting a gym membership.