I think most women have experienced miscarriage. It is very sad, and gives you much empathy. I am so thankful for the women who have had miscarriages who have comforted me. I'm sure I'll have the chance to return the comfort.
In April, at 15 weeks we found out the baby died two weeks earlier. We thought it was just a random situation where the baby maybe didn't form correctly, though everything looked fine, but it's hard to tell. The second, we found out at 18 weeks the baby died 3 weeks earlier. The two were very similar. It seemed we have a problem. We did a lot of blood work and discovered that my plasminogen activator inhibitor 1 levels are more than double the normal level. Pai1 is the superglue in blood clotting. They think that little microclots are forming in the capillaries where my and baby's blood connect, and over time, the capillaries are all blocked and the nutrients cannot be exchanged. My poor babies. They were both girls. I have a name picked out. I hope she can still be a part of our family.
There is no conclusive church doctrine on the subject of when the spirit is put in the body. Still births are not counted as sealed children in the church records. I hope that my girl will come to me again, and I will have her in my arms, where she belongs.
This is a fairly common blood issue for women. But even 20 years ago doctors would not be able to help me. For my next pregnancy I'll be injecting myself with lovenox every day. I am so so so thankful for modern medicine.
After Thanksgiving, after my family left, when my house got quiet, I was more observant. One morning, when I bent over, I didn't feel that bulge, like you're leaning over a ball. I looked at my stomach. I just looked fat. And then I cried. Because I know what it feels like to carry a live baby.
The ultrasound confirmed it. My husband kissed me, and cried with me. I am thankful for 4 perfect children. The specialist was so confident we could figure out what was wrong, that it made me confident too. 16 viles of blood and amniocentesis revealed that the baby was perfect and my blood has gone wonky. The doctor also said that it's common for women to have no problems with their blood clotting and then for it to change. Good, I'm not a rare case.
I can blog about this because I think there is a happy ending with more babies.
Rachel said, "Give me children, or else I die." God put maternal desires in us. So Strong. I am thankful for the Atonement that can make everything right. My little trial is small compared to most. I know that. These miscarriages have revealed that I am not as strong as I thought. But I hope that they have prepared me to be able to handle bigger things to come with Grace.
December 29, 2012
December 26, 2012
We had a gingerbread decorating party
It was very memory making. Which is really what I was looking to create. The gingerbread houses were really fun to create too. Especially with my helper in the kitchen. 
I made a gingerbread house last year for the first time with great success. So I decided I could tackle making 8 this year. I used the Martha Stewart recipe for the dough, and used her template. For the roof I cut out two rectangles 8.5x6 and 8.5x6.5. (That gives you overhang on the sides and a little overlap at the roof.) For the chimney I added a 1/4 inch on each of the long sides of two of the pieces - the ones with the sharp angles. So two of the chimney pieces are 1/2 inch wider than Martha's. There are little windows to cut out, which is the only part that makes you want to poke your eyeballs out. And being that I was making 8, I decided that I needed an easier way to make them. After racking my brain and coming up empty, I was wandering the house looking for inspiration, and found it in my children's out-all-over-the-floor legos. They worked perfectly.
Assembly was only tricky because Martha's syrup did not work. Right when it was supposed to turn into a syrup that hardens in seconds, it turned into a chrystally powdery solic. (Yes it is possible to be chrystally and powdery at the same time.) Poop. We tried it twice. It was late at night, and I really needed the syrup to work. Better Homes and Gardens to the rescue. Theirs worked perfectly. I actually kissed the book.
2 cup sugar
1 cup water
1/2 cup light-colored corn syrup
1 tsp. vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt
Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan and cook over medium-high heat until mixture boils. Cook until it gets to a light caramel color. Then turn off heat immediately. You know you cooked it enough when you drop syrup on a plate and in 30 seconds it has turned into hard candy. You can dip the sides pieces like Martha and I did, but don't use a brush like Martha, you'll never be able to use it again, and a spoon works just great.
Spread the syrup glue on your pieces you are joining and then quickly put them together. Repeat until your house is done. Put the smaller roof piece on first, then the larger one on the other side overlapping at the roof line.
It was late at night when I finished assembling these beauties. And they're not just gorgeous, but delicious too. You don't have to stop at the candy when eating it.
Make the Royal Icing - Combine 2 large egg WHITES and 2 tsp. lemon juice. Then beat in 3 cups powdered sugar. Put it in a bag immediately, it hardens quickly when exposed to air. Cut a tiny corner off to squeeze out your candy glue.
Cue entrance of 30 Reynolds and many pounds of candy.
Decorating was magical. And there was much family togetherness goin' on.
The judge took her job very seriously.
I've been in the family long enough to know that the secret to a successful Reynolds party is good cheese.
It was very Christmasy.
I made a gingerbread house last year for the first time with great success. So I decided I could tackle making 8 this year. I used the Martha Stewart recipe for the dough, and used her template. For the roof I cut out two rectangles 8.5x6 and 8.5x6.5. (That gives you overhang on the sides and a little overlap at the roof.) For the chimney I added a 1/4 inch on each of the long sides of two of the pieces - the ones with the sharp angles. So two of the chimney pieces are 1/2 inch wider than Martha's. There are little windows to cut out, which is the only part that makes you want to poke your eyeballs out. And being that I was making 8, I decided that I needed an easier way to make them. After racking my brain and coming up empty, I was wandering the house looking for inspiration, and found it in my children's out-all-over-the-floor legos. They worked perfectly.
Assembly was only tricky because Martha's syrup did not work. Right when it was supposed to turn into a syrup that hardens in seconds, it turned into a chrystally powdery solic. (Yes it is possible to be chrystally and powdery at the same time.) Poop. We tried it twice. It was late at night, and I really needed the syrup to work. Better Homes and Gardens to the rescue. Theirs worked perfectly. I actually kissed the book.
2 cup sugar
1 cup water
1/2 cup light-colored corn syrup
1 tsp. vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt
Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan and cook over medium-high heat until mixture boils. Cook until it gets to a light caramel color. Then turn off heat immediately. You know you cooked it enough when you drop syrup on a plate and in 30 seconds it has turned into hard candy. You can dip the sides pieces like Martha and I did, but don't use a brush like Martha, you'll never be able to use it again, and a spoon works just great.
Spread the syrup glue on your pieces you are joining and then quickly put them together. Repeat until your house is done. Put the smaller roof piece on first, then the larger one on the other side overlapping at the roof line.
It was late at night when I finished assembling these beauties. And they're not just gorgeous, but delicious too. You don't have to stop at the candy when eating it.
Make the Royal Icing - Combine 2 large egg WHITES and 2 tsp. lemon juice. Then beat in 3 cups powdered sugar. Put it in a bag immediately, it hardens quickly when exposed to air. Cut a tiny corner off to squeeze out your candy glue.
Cue entrance of 30 Reynolds and many pounds of candy.
Decorating was magical. And there was much family togetherness goin' on.
The judge took her job very seriously.
I've been in the family long enough to know that the secret to a successful Reynolds party is good cheese.
It was very Christmasy.
December 20, 2012
What is that?
What the heck is THAT?
And I know the only way to find out is to put my face next to it, and take a big sniff. Only moms and nurses have to do this.
Ok, I've done this before, nothing to be afraid of. Check to make sure there are no kids around who are going to jump on my back when I lean forward and tip me off balance into the mystery brown.
Sniff. Whiff.
Chocolate.
Hallelujah.
"Who has been eating chocolate upstairs? No more elf kisses today!"
But one for me (chocolate kiss). As a reward for cleaning up this mess.
December 19, 2012
Ta Da!
My outdoor table is finally complete. The only sad thing is that it wasn't a one woman show. I hired some work out! I am sad inside that I did it. I won't be doing it again, because, quite frankly, I think I could have done a better job.
But this post is about celebration, so lets not dwell on the imperfections.
The table top is 1.5 inch thick maple wood. I paid to have someone join the boards together to make the table top, because I didn't have all the tools necessary to do a good job. In future, I'll buy the tools. Because I love tools and I love having skills.
It's 9 feet long. I sanded it for about 14 hours. There are 5 coats of outdoor polyurethane on there.
The legs are made from black pipe - intended for gas pipes. This was the easiest and, surprisingly most expensive part of the table.
This is my Christmas present this year. It is all I wanted, and Paul let me have it, and my wants are satiated - for the moment! (I have been thinking about a really great bench I want to make with caning at the back support.)
Bring on birthday parties in the backyard with 15 extra kids!
Bring on having a family over for dinner and having a place for everyone to sit - and not on the couch.
Bring on the inevitable shoving that will occur when the children are getting in each other's space on the bench.
Bring on spraying off the cement and not worrying about water damage to the table legs. (You can see I need to spray it off now.)
Bring on weather changes and hope my table top can take it.
We had a our dining room table outside until about a month ago. And we loved it. We love eating outside every meal. We were even tough through the 100+ degree weather, and loved eating outside. So I could with confidence go to the expense and hassle of bringing this beauty into our lives. And the best news of all - I think I'll have more people in my little family to warrant such a monstrously large piece of furniture!
December 12, 2012
Sense of community
It's been lacking. Because I've decided not to document my complaints in the never-to-be-erased and able-to-be-read-by-everyone-ever internet, I'm not going to relay the many disappointing events/places we've gone to the last 5 months. Let's just say, Vegas has been everything I thought it would be.
BUT, I'm writing this post, because I think that's about to change. My ward recently started a playgroup and today, one of the moms told me about community centers. They seem to be the bomb. You can get 6 1-hour swimming lessons for $25. You can get 8 tae kwon do lessons for $27. 4 hip hop dance lessons for $15. This is just what I've been looking for. Also the Springs Preserve (which is a desert botanical garden plus museum) had a composting class that I loved loved loved. I'll be composting soon.
These things make me happy because they make me feel a sense of community with the people around me. I really really loved the Nashville community feeling we had at the school, and when I was at the library, and listening to the radio, and even at the gas station. I felt connected to all the people around me. Though I didn't realize it until we moved and I noticed the community void in my little heart.
I've been trying to fill the community line in my happiness cup, and have come up dry. (I'm so witty.) But I am hopeful that these community centers and playgroup and Springs Preserve and that nice check-out lady at Walmart who sounds just like Lisa Simpson will help me feel like I am part of this city and like it's worth being a part of. (Yes I do feel all the people who don't live here smirking at this moment. Keep it to yourself. My happiness depends on it.)
And I came upon a trade I can live with.
I had a day of mourning when I went to the best fabric store in Vegas and it was nothing close to Textile Fabric. I cried in the car about it. I didn't even know fabric was that important to me until that moment.
BUT, there is a great place to buy wood here - Peterman Lumber. And I have a delightful project I'm working on, to be published on this very humble blog in a few days made out of 1.5 inch thick maple wood.
Isn't she a beautiful wood? Brace yourself.
They also carry zebrawood. I've already made a plan in my mind for a gorgeous bedside table for Paul.
So masculine.
Wish me luck in Vegas!
BUT, I'm writing this post, because I think that's about to change. My ward recently started a playgroup and today, one of the moms told me about community centers. They seem to be the bomb. You can get 6 1-hour swimming lessons for $25. You can get 8 tae kwon do lessons for $27. 4 hip hop dance lessons for $15. This is just what I've been looking for. Also the Springs Preserve (which is a desert botanical garden plus museum) had a composting class that I loved loved loved. I'll be composting soon.
These things make me happy because they make me feel a sense of community with the people around me. I really really loved the Nashville community feeling we had at the school, and when I was at the library, and listening to the radio, and even at the gas station. I felt connected to all the people around me. Though I didn't realize it until we moved and I noticed the community void in my little heart.
I've been trying to fill the community line in my happiness cup, and have come up dry. (I'm so witty.) But I am hopeful that these community centers and playgroup and Springs Preserve and that nice check-out lady at Walmart who sounds just like Lisa Simpson will help me feel like I am part of this city and like it's worth being a part of. (Yes I do feel all the people who don't live here smirking at this moment. Keep it to yourself. My happiness depends on it.)
And I came upon a trade I can live with.
I had a day of mourning when I went to the best fabric store in Vegas and it was nothing close to Textile Fabric. I cried in the car about it. I didn't even know fabric was that important to me until that moment.
BUT, there is a great place to buy wood here - Peterman Lumber. And I have a delightful project I'm working on, to be published on this very humble blog in a few days made out of 1.5 inch thick maple wood.
They also carry zebrawood. I've already made a plan in my mind for a gorgeous bedside table for Paul.
So masculine.
Wish me luck in Vegas!
December 11, 2012
Boone has croup
He did pretty good yesterday, but in the middle of the night, he was having a really hard time breathing and was freaking out. Good thing we have the outdoor daybed! Thank you World Market. (I'll post show off pics when I get the pillows done.) The cold outdoor air did the trick and he was breathing fine in a few minutes. He slept great. I did not. He's like a cat. He kept pushing me closer and closer to the edge. How can such a small sleeping companion make such a big discomfort? It did make it easier that he's so cute and his breathing was so good. I'd pretty much do anything to ensure he keeps breathing.
And I experienced this beautiful sunrise, and birds chirping. Who can complain about that?
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