Can't put my finger on why this is funny

Mom: Hey Axel, you learned about tithing today. Tell me about it.

Axel: Well, every time you do a chore, you put 9 pennies in your jar, and 1 penny for tithing. Tithing is not for spending but for giving.

Mom: Who do you give it to?

Axel: The bishop, who gives it to poor people. Like Jesus.

2003 Toyota Sienna

We have been looking for a van for a loooong time. Paul's requirements were less than 70,000 miles, my requirements were a Toyota or Honda. Those requirements are difficult to meet on our resident-with-three-kids-and-a-stay-at-home-mom budget. Hence the long time.

But behold, the perfect van

for the Paul Reynolds family.

Being beautiful and stylish was not one of our requirements.

You're saying, 'Alisha, why the excitment? Vans are for old ladies.' And yes, I do feel like an old lady while I'm driving it, but like a peaceful old lady. The children have a hard time touching/hitting/snatching/torturing each other in this new vehicle.

I thought maybe they'd miss all being so close.

But, I asked them, and they unanimously agreed that they didn't miss it at all.

When Paul and I go on dates, we drop the kids off first, and take the van on our date. I have to giggle at us every time. I haven't felt this nerdy since buckteeth, bangs, and granny glasses.

I am sad, sad I am

Well it has been an emotional few days. The details are very exciting and very scandalous, but I'm too tired to write about it. I'll just take you to the end.

We decided to move.

I went rental house hunting and became discouraged because the only thing we can afford are disgusting big houses, or crackerbox nice houses.

Then we found a house that has hardwood floors, immaculate bathrooms, modern kitchen with stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops, lots of windows, plenty of room for all of us, fenced backyard, and a garage. AND is actually definitely in our budget. I was shocked. We immediately filled out an application and gave them a deposit.

Unfortunately we were 10 minutes too late. The people who left AS we were pulling up, had just applied and given them a deposit.

I was still hopeful that somehow we might still get it.

Then our landlord said that our neighbor was definitely moving out regardless of whether we stayed or not. Good news.

But we decided if we got this house we would still move.

I couldn't help myself. I imagined where all our furniture would go and how lovely it would be to have another family over for dinner and actually have enough room for all of us around the table, and how it's so close to Axel's school I would have 1 hour more a day. I heard the children laughing and pictured us sitting all together for family home evening. I pictured the children chasing each other while I browned hamburger. Paul would come home and we would marvel at how lucky we were.

So I hoped and I envisionioned and I even decided to test the 'law of attraction' my mother is always bearing her testimony to me about. For all morning with butterflies I listened for the phone to ring and for the leasing agent to tell us that we got it. And it rang and it wasn't him, about 4 times. And then there was a special ring and it rang into my jittering bones. And I just knew that somehow the stars would align and he would tell me that something happened with the other people and when could we move in. "I've just approved that other couple."

I have friends who are loaded and have beautiful homes, but it doesn't make me sad. The reason I'm sad is because I saw what I could have right now with my money and it was such a deal, and it would virtually transform my daily life.

And don't get me wrong, we've been happy here. There's plenty of room for us. There are enough kitchen cabinets, old beautiful wood molding, 3 closets in our bedroom, big front porch with a swing on it, and it even came with a perfect neighbor who didn't care how loud our kids were at 6:00 am. See lots of good things.

There are other, less than good things too. Eternally funky bathroom, slanted floors every which way, linoleum peeling up at the corners, 1960's fixtures, endless spiders (I tell myself that it's Halloween festive), old house smell when I'm not burning a candle. I was ok with all that, because I didn't know I could have anything better.

And here it was, a perfectly good reason to move and wouldn't you know that an absolutely perfect house came up, and I missed it by 10 minutes.

And it's pointless to think of what might be.

And I'll be happy tomorrow, maybe even tonight. And even as my heart is sad I know that I am ungrateful. But I think it's ok as long as it doesn't last until tomorrow.

So we're staying. We and the spiders, and it'll be Halloweeny.

Today, I'm a Southern wife

Today I feel like saying in a thick Southern accent, whilst wearing an old Southern dress, "Why it awys be me that doin' the standin' up in aur famly? Ain't you a mane? Go hide yo face in de hospitle, and I'll faught aur battles fo us. Thank the Good Lawd, He give me nuf backbone ta pr'tect aur chi-ren, if'n you too skeerd to o-fend."

Paul would respond, bearded and with thundering voice, "Woman, why you thank its yo biznez to cuntrol er-body? You awys talkin down, thanking you knowed everythang. If'n I wadn't heer to smooth ova yo messes, sombudy dun aready blowed yo big hed off."

Paul and I disagree about how to deal with our upstairs neighbor who accidentally shot off his rifle and blew a hole in the house.

After a bad conversation with Paul and a good conversation with my dad last night and a good conversation with the police this morning, and after heartfelt prayer just about constantly, I talked to our neighbor. And after he asked me if I know what the 2nd ammendment was, and "don't tell me what to do with my guns", and after I assured him I knew he had a right to his guns, (though I wish he didn't because he is often drunk) and I wasn't trying to tell him what to do, but just trying to have a conversation - he offered to take all his guns out to his storage unit. At which time, I almost cried. He even said, "I'll get 'em out by tomorrow. You can come check if you want." And I said thank-you I would like to check. I'm making bread today and will make sure to run him a loaf.

Crisis averted, we didn't have to move out or get in a nasty fight about what's fair. I hope all continues as planned.

As terrible as it is, I'm sure it didn't hurt at all that he thinks I'm pretty and tells me all the time. And as terrible as it is, I won't lie and say I didn't use it to my advantage and make sure to look him in the eye and tell him how important to me it was that his guns be someplace else and 'thank you, that means a lot to me'. It would've been a lot harder if he were a younger man. He reminds me of my sweet old uncle who is a Viet Nam vet too.

Delicious belly

This morning while I was forming loaves, Maggie said, "Mommy, that dough is like your belly!"

She will not be eating any of the bread.

Camping trip!

A few weeks ago we took the family to Knoxville and the Smokies. We got in the car and 3 hours later we're in Knoxville at the Ijams nature center. (pronounced I-ems, but we said I-jams because it's way cooler.) We took the boardwalk trail.

And found a turtle.

Even when she's crying, I still can't get enough of her.

I'm putting this picture on because it's the only one I don't look 5 months pregnant in. And frankly all you people-that-i-don't-see-often, I don't want you to know that I look five months pregnant, because then you'd want to ask and I'd have to tell you, that I've just increased the year's supply of storage that I carry on my body. And that would be awkward for both of us. Plus, I just want you to think that I always look like this.

Is there a better sight than your children laughing together?

Sometimes I call her Paula, she looks so much like her Dad.

Then we met up with a friend of Paul's and went downtown. We were just in time to see them close the doors on the Museum of Art. So we went to the square where they had the world's fair. Then it started to RAIN.

After drying off at our$80 hotel room that we paid $30 for (thank you priceline) we went out to dinner with aforementioned friend, went to sleep in aforementioned hotel and had a breakfast that was not prepared by me. Delicious. Went frisbee golfing, had EXCELLENT sushi - it was my first time. I've felt so white-trashy until now.

Drove an hour on winding backroads to make camp in the beautiful smoky mountains.

Lucy would not keep her shoes on. Everything was wet. I tried about 5 times, but then I stopped putting them back on. She was actually setting the trend. Paul and I explained and reminded countless times about the camping rule NEVER to be broken: No shoes in the tent. No bare feet on the ground.

Everything was so wet in fact, that we city slickers couldn't get a fire started. So we put our hot dogs right on the propane stove. The smores were better.

Successful camping tip #1: Bring a hatchet to make kindling of the big chunks of wood you can buy from the camp office. We're not in the dessert, ya'll! Plus campfire stories, songs, games, burning trash, smelling like fire cannot happen without the fire.

So what do you do when it's dark outside and you are cold and you have no fire? You go to bed, lullabied by your neighboring piros and their lovely camp songs. Paul was unhappy that I put our eggshell foam under the children. We had to rough it with only a fluffy air mattress, sheets, and comforter.

Successful camping tip #2: Don't go skimpy on the bedding. Do not leave behind the pillows, even though the air mattress has a built-in 'pillow'. A good night's sleep is crucial if you ever want to convince your husband to go camping again.

Then we packed up our tent next morning.

Successful camping tip #3: Don't be lazy about the food. Eating cereal when you can smell sausage at the not-lazy-camping-neighbor's site, is torture.

Lucy helped me pack the car.

We went on a little hike to a waterfall, and along the way I captured two beautiful trees:

This one is an advertisement to come back in October. I can only imagine the fire mother nature makes on this mountain.

On the trail there was a sign which read: Keep your children close, falling deaths have occured.

Axel said, "on this trail we could have falling death." We would sporadically shout, Falling Death!

Axel and I were the bravest about the waterfall.

I like Axel.

Lucy fell asleep and I parked her in the perfect position to photograph her and the mohawk girl - at the same time!

We had a picnic lunch and went to a car tour of old buildings. We also found a horse to eat one of our car warm apples.

Pretty cool waterwheel. Could I somehow harness the energy created to power a robot maid?

And the grand finale.... 5 black bears in a tree that we drove directly under. 1 mama, 4 cubs. We got 4 of the 5 in this picture. Can you find them?

We'll be making another trip before we leave beautiful Tennessee.

I love breakfast

Today, I had a craving for healthy, hearty, delicious pancakes. So I tweaked our favorite pancake recipe and made the best pancakes I've ever eaten. (except for Pancake Pantry's sweet potato pancakes, those are shipped straight from heaven)


And I made cinnamon syrup, an excellent compliment.


In case you're interested, here's the recipe:

Mix in a bowl: 2 cups whole wheat flour, 1 tsp. salt, 1 Tbls. baking powder, 6 Tbls. dry milk, 1/4 cup ground flax seed.

Blend in blender: 2 cups water, 1 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup old brown banana, 3 egg yolks, 3 Tbls. oil, 1 Tbls. brown sugar, 1 tsp. vanilla

Add blender contents to flour mix.

Beat 3 eggs whites till stiff, add to batter. Cook on griddle.

Top with cinnamon syrup.

Combine in saucepan: 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 cup dark corn syrup, 1/4 tsp. cinnamon. Boil 2 minutes. Then add 2 Tbls. cream.

I think it would be even better with 1/2 cup walnuts thrown in the blender, but Paul for some reason doesn't like nuts in his pancakes.


They really were amazing. Paul agreed they were the best pancakes he's put in his mouth.

revelation

I just had a conversation that very clearly revealed how and about what my children and I converse. Note: 10 minutes prior to this I thought fire would come out of my eyes and consume the children.

Alisha: What do you think is harder: being a kid or a mom?
Axel: A mom.
Alisha: Why do you think that?
Axel: Because moms have to clean constantly and that's all you ever get to do.

Frisbee Golf

Today we went frisbee golfing. It was Lucy's and my first time. We had a blast. Maggie enjoyed pulling up roots and finding worms more than the actual frisbee.

I am rusty in my frisbee throwing skills, but thankfully Axel was only a little better than me. To console myself, I made a traditional headress for frisbee women.

After 9 holes we went to the park. Lucy is a great walker now and can take advantage of all the thrilling playground jumpy bridges.

She likes to hang out at the bottom of the slide.

Look at those eyebrows. Those are Reynolds eyebrows! I wouldn'tve believed a girl could look feminine with those eyebrows. Oh the tweezing may come earlier for her than for the others.

And my latest and greatest beautification project:

BEFORE

AFTER


Oh, the priming and the measuring. I had an epiphany while making these shelves: I never feel sexier than when I'm using my table saw. However, I don't look that sexy with the red ring on my face that the goggles leave behind.

For the first time I'm displaying my beloved matrioshka dolls from Ukraine, and a cool photo of Paul on his mission, plus Tagolog BOM. Most of our paperbacks we've read and don't look through often, so I decided to do what I've seen in Pottery Barn and put them in with pages out instead of spine out. And if you could only smell the heavenly hazelnut oil diffusing in the air.

And because beautifying the house is really enjoyed by me and Paul could pretty much care less, I thought I'd add something to make him happy about the shelves too.
Bottomless licorice.

And I painted my living room.

Next up... chairs.

Funny prayers

Axel says funny things in his prayers.

Tonight: Dear Heavenly Father, please bless us to really be sealed together forever and you're not tricking us.

A few nights ago: Please help my school not to be fire drilling while I'm at school.

my glasses

While at collage, on one of my visits to see my parents, I noticed that my mother's glasses were missing an arm. "It broke off, but I can still wear them!" Sometimes it takes a while to get around to doing stuff. I understand. Well a year later, they still missing an arm! My siblings and I teased her about that for a while. We understand being thrifty but this seemed crazy. I could make many interesting blog posts on the cheapness of my parent's, but I'll save that for another day. But I will tell you, that instead of getting a crown for his tooth, my dad wanted to have the tooth pulled! "This tooth doesn't mean $2000 to me." The only problem was he couldn't find a dentist to do it. They all said it was a bad decision.

My contacts have run out and my last pair are really irritating my eyes. So, I've been wearing my glasses the last two weeks. This morning, Maggie brought me my glasses in two pieces. Of course I scolded her. And then i had to giggle, because "I can still wear them!"

Though, they are crooked.


Making you proud, Mom!

self righteous

I've started and deleted a few drafts of blog posts, on various subjects. All were deleted because they were not funny. However, I've not been having many funny thoughts lately. So, here is my first post of a serious nature.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on personal righteousness and obedience. One experience has always stuck out in my mind. I was in high school when 'Braveheart' came out. I saw it. My first R-rated movie. That was back in the day when the 'For Strength of Youth' pamphlet expressly forbade R-rated movies. I chose to see it because it was historical and looked well done, and I heard was R for violence, which I decided wasn't as bad as some other reasons. I saw it, loved it, came home and told my sister about it. Without guilt I told her it was an inspiring movie and I thought I was the better for seeing it, even though there was that one scene. Her response triggered an emotional reaction which makes it impossible for me to forget her words. "That may have been a good movie, but you will forget it and it will make no difference in your life. But what will make a difference, is if you choose to be obedient to the prophet."

I'm not really a guilty person. Sometimes I've thought that if I was more guilty it would spurn me to righteous action as it did for Hester Prynne. I'm a little tough skinned which is why I love the speakers in General Conference who kick you in the pants and tell you to do better, like Elder Jeffery R. Holland. The ones that encourage you to change through love, (Ex. You really are of worth Sisters!) are not as effective for me. So my sister's comment about being obedient to the prophet was very effective, and I have thought of it often.

As a mother, obedience has become all the more poignant a subject of thought. The words I say to my children are easily the same words Heavenly Father could say to me. In fact I often hear His voice in my ears AS I'm getting after my kids. "How many times do I have to tell you before you listen?" "Don't get distracted." "The consequences don't change just because you don't like them." "Just because you're tired doesn't mean you can be stinky to your family." "This day just keeps getting worse and worse the more you make poor choices."

I've also thought about the little visual lesson, that many have seen, about the rice and the ping pong balls. I did it all the time on my mission. You put rice in a jar, then the ping pong balls, but they don't fit. Then you take it all out, start with the ping pong balls and then the rice, and it all magically fits together. Moral of the lesson: if you do the spiritually nourishing things first, you'll have time for everything else. I think this only works if you don't have that much rice. Say if all your rice is cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery planning/shopping, doing the budget. Then that lesson works. But what if in your rice jar you add: sewing, working out, preschool trades, sewing, watching movies with your husband, surfing the web, organizing the garage, sewing, visiting teaching, serving that person in your ward who always needs serving, watching your friends kids because they need it, weeding your bushes, chatting with your friend for a good long while, sewing, going to the zoo, potty training, having the missionaries over for dinner, throwing baby showers, blogging, trying new and complicated recipes, responding to all my email, staying up late watching TV when you should really be in bed, making gifts/home decor, preparing lessons, and more sewing. Well you may not be able to fit all that rice in the jar. If you put the spiritually nourishing things first, you may not have time for everything else. So I think the lesson more appropriate for me is sacrifice. You've got to get rid of some important rice for some more important ping pong balls. And it hurts. Just like it hurts Axel to leave his picture undone and get in the car. Just like it hurts Maggie to go potty when she's playing trains.

Lately I've been evaluating my life and have decided that the rice I can give up is entertainment. I don't watch much TV during the day, but at night, Paul and I sit together and watch movie trailers, or hang out on the couch, looking at the messy house. Honestly, I can't remember of all the time wasting things I do in the evening, but I wake up to a messy house and I stayed up late, so what the heck was I doing until 11:00? Going to bed at 11:00 isn't so bad, unless you get up at 4:45. That's when Paul gets up and I TRY to get up with him, but usually end up sleeping in until 5:30, 6:00. So even though 11:00 isn't that late, we're falling asleep as we get into bed. And that's our scripture time. And I picture myself standing before God.

God: Why haven't you been reading your scriptures?

Alisha: It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I have these three messy kids and endless work, and I'm trying to be good. I did my visiting teaching last week. I've tried reading in the morning, but the kids are up so early and need breakfast right away, and at night I'm so tired, I just fall asleep after a few minutes. Most of my friends think I'm really righteous, so I thought I was. I just don't have as much time as I used to.

God: You wasted a lot more than 5 minutes today. I'm sure you could transfer some of that wasted time to scripture time.

So that's what I've decided to do. I'm trying to get into bed when I'm still awake so I can really get something out of scripture study, or go to bed early enough that I'll be alert at 5:30 to read them. And if I ever feel bad for myself about not having enough relax time I think of this conversation Paul and I had many times his 3rd year of medical school.

Alisha sees Paul vegging on the computer after a long hard day at the hospital. Alisha tries to start a lighthearted conversation. After that fails, I express my frustration in less than loving words. "If you're just going to look at the computer, stay at the hospital to do it!" "Alisha, I've had a hard day. I just need to unwind a little." And these are the words that would be just as fitting coming from God. "Unwind with me."

So, when the kids are finally in bed, and all my energy is gone and I feel like I have a little hard earned unwind time, I hear God saying, 'unwind with me.'

I've been trying it for about a week and a half. Maybe that's why all I have on my mind are serious blog posts. I've learned some interesting things from the Doctrine and Covenants. It even came in handy when answering questions from a friend who was baptized not long ago. But the biggest benefit is that I feel my nature becoming gentler. Prioritizing is more natural. I feel more in control of my situation than my situation controlling me. The other side effect is I'm cheesy and write cheesy blog posts.

For all you righteous people, I'm sure you're dedicated to your scriptures, and are aghast that I have a hard time with it. And you laid back people are thinking I'm super up-tight about obedience. I guess the purpose of me sharing this, is just to share. Because, if you're like me, you read blogs to catch the flavor of someone's personality. And that tasting is what keeps your relationship alive. Hope this post tastes like strawberry yogurt.

We got a dog

for a week. We're dog sitting Seamus (Shame-us) for an old college friend of mine. We've had tons of fun with him. Sunday night when he came, he had lots of energy - he'd been cooped up in a car for a few days - so I took him for a little run, and boy does he like to run. Monday morning we went on a LONG walk with the kids and I was surprised that by the end, he was tired. This is how he looked when it was all over.

Seamus loves playing fetch. He's never tired of it. When we're not outside throwing the ball for him, he's inside bringing us things to play with. A few unimportant things got ruined before I realized I should be a little stricter with him. Here's a video of just such instance.

Anyway, Seamus is a good dog, well trained and gentle with the kids. We'll be sad when it's time for him to go.

Also, I wanted to show off this little dress I made for Maggie. I always think the latest dress is the most beautiful one EVER, but this may be the very cutest.

isn't she beautiful!

Seamus isn't one to miss an opportunity. During our photo shoot, he tried to convince Maggie to play fetch, but she had none of it.

The photo shoot ended with a real game of fetch with a real ball. Seamus is endless fun.

Peach picking

My visiting teacher is the bomb. This month, we went to a peach orchard with my three ya-hoos and picked a bunch of peaches and made peach jam. It was delicious. And it will be delicious all year, or one month depending on how long it takes us to eat these jewels.

Yes, he ate one. And yes, somehow he thinks it's cool to make a face in EVERY picture.
He instructed Maggie to make this face. I must break the cycle or I will have no pictures of any of my children making regular faces and I'll probably forget what they really looked like as small children.
Lucy definitely wanted out of the stroller. We gave her some of the peach and she was hysterical thereafter unless she had a peach in her mouth. That is the strongest testimony of how delicious the peaches were.This is just a bonus picture of my sleeping beauties the next day. This is so frequent an occurrence, but I never tire of seeing them all asleep, all together, jam packed into our car.
Maggie is so lady like.