About a year ago, while in a check-out line, I struck up a conversation with the cashier. She was 8 months pregnant, laughed with me, a bit of a tough-girl self-presentation, very beautiful, and I guessed has probably lived in the projects at some point in her life. I liked her, a lot.
A week later, I was in the same store and as I got closer to the front of the line, realized it was the same cashier. But her belly was flat. She must've had her baby! But, why would she be at work when she had a tiny baby at home? A premature baby that needed her. And I saw it on her face. Dark puffy circles under her eyes. Only speaking when absolutely necessary and barely audible. A look of guarded anger in her eyes that never met anyone elses.
My heart broke for her. I actually started crying in the store. I wanted to offer some kind of comfort. What could I say? She wouldn't even remember me. And if she did, she wouldn't believe that I cared, or that it was my place to care, and my 5 minutes of sadness was not going to help her through at least 5 years of grief. So I made myself stop crying. But when it was my turn, I tried to make eye contact with her. She would not look at my face. I left the store, giving her nothing.
I hoped that she had people who loved her around, who could make her sadness not envelope her completely. And I prayed for her. I prayed for her with my eyes squeezing tears and white knuckles forcing my way to heaven. And I felt pretty sure that that my pleading couldn't begin to soothe her ocean of grief.
I've since changed my mind.
Every bit of grief shared, helps.
It spreads out, it becomes more manageable.
I am so thankful that Heavenly Father made the world and ourselves that way.
It is a miracle.
And I am so glad I prayed for her.
2 comments:
You are a strong woman Alisha. I admire you so much. Loves.
Beautiful, poetic and full of truth. Thank you for sharing. Sending love and prayers your way.
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